Keep Your Love Fresh!
The chef writing with an egg on our 14th anniversary dinner at a Japanese restaurant.
July 11, 2010.
Actually it's not really the anniversary day of when we met. Since we can't recall exactly when we started dating "formally", we chose this day when he first proposed to me 14 years ago as our anniversary day.
Time flies.
I think no one will disagree that it's not easy to maintain a stable and long-lasting relationship. In the last 14 years (and actually more than 14 years if we include the time when we were just flings) of our relatively "stable" relationship, things had actually gone far too complicated at some points -- betrayals (yeah we both had a bad history), hatred, disappointments -- and both of us had for once or twice hurt each other badly. And really bad.
Yes, time flies. Yet it remains the most faithful witness to our relationship. As time goes by, we understand each other more and are more certain of what we've been chasing after in a relationship. Stability, trust, and faithfulness. And let aside hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness. What I found really lucky about our relationship is that both of us are "forgetful" person, and though we have little arguments from time to time, we rarely accuse each other of our "bad" doings in our past. And most important is that we both treasure a little "free" moments by ourselves, and we respect each other's rights of having this freedom. This is all based on trust indeed and this can hardly be done without letting go some of your ego. I'm not talking about losing your own self and dignity and blindly throw yourself into a relationship which doesn't worth it. Rather, it's about your self-centeredness. If you are too indulged into loving and pitying of your own self, it can only be devastating to your relationship.
Talking about self-centeredness. Many couples don't realize that they actually don't know their better-half at all until they got married. Kit and I are no exception. I guess many of our friends found it weird that we seem to be a perfect match, yet it had been so difficult for us in the first year (and maybe part of the second year) of our marriage. I started to lose patience easily when things weren't going my way and almost pushed him to the brink of depression. And I've even regretted the decision of getting married. But as I started to open up my heart to really try to know him and his family, the environment in which he was brought up, and bingo! I realize that I was just too self-centered. Alas! How could I make mistake like this as a psychology major? I should have known earlier and saved us from the troubles we have gone through.
Try to see things in each other's point of view -- why he/she is doing that and what makes him/her do that. It may at least help make things easier, if not completely solve the problem. Do not refrain yourself from admitting your own faults -- sometimes his/her "wrong doings" maybe a reaction to what you did. Don't take what he/she did for you for granted, nor should you think in a deviant way that he/she must have done something wrong so that he/she is making up with you. Appreciate what he/she has done for you -- whether it's a big favor or a small gift, or even only a silly joke just to make you laugh. It might not be easy for some people. At least it's not easy for me. But I'm learning, and I'm enjoying this new way of relationship.
I can't guarantee that if you follow all the above-mentioned "rules", you'll live happily ever after. Different people have different problem. There's no single prescription. Learn how to love yourself more, then you'll know how to really love your better half and keep your love life fresh!
A really good one, Sister !!
thx bro…….add oil together!